I love this story for all it's beautiful, sensory details, the raspberries and nectarines, the wind, the rain, the sweat, the darkness and the places between where Sam is afraid. The beer on John's breath and the welts under the elastic of Sam's underpants.
I love how Sam tries to get Dean to agree to skip their training and Dean just won't because he's such a good little soldier. I love the two of them running together, then walking in the rain to pick berries. Their dynamic is very loving and distant at the same time. Dean has such a great burden on his shoulders and Sam seems a little bit jealous, of Dean's loyalty to their dad and even of the crossbow. It's sad how happy Sam is to spend the day without the dad around and that Sam's first reaction when he's hurt is to think that he broke the window, knowing what that will get him. I had to actually look away from the screen when John was washing the wound. Somehow that seemed worse than the actual stitching, so open and raw.
It's really striking the way that John shows so much physical affection to Sam when he's hurt. Holding him while he pukes, putting Sam's legs in his lap and washing him with the cool cloth. The most striking part of all is when he's cleaning the honey off of Sam, bending down to clean his leg and cupping his chin and wiping his face and he says, "It's like you rolled in it," like he's talking to a baby. He's so casually affectionate after the near brutality that just happened before that he's downright scary. And the whole time John is tending to him, Sam's just trying to get away. He wants nothing to do with his father's affection. He doesn't soften or surrender one little bit. They're just alike.
Once again, just an incredible story. There's so much hurt between them. Sam's needs are just trampled and his emotions stripped bare to the reality that John isn't going to let him fail no matter how much he has to hurt Sam to make him strong. It's love and it's really quite horrible and beautiful at the same time.
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I love how Sam tries to get Dean to agree to skip their training and Dean just won't because he's such a good little soldier. I love the two of them running together, then walking in the rain to pick berries. Their dynamic is very loving and distant at the same time. Dean has such a great burden on his shoulders and Sam seems a little bit jealous, of Dean's loyalty to their dad and even of the crossbow. It's sad how happy Sam is to spend the day without the dad around and that Sam's first reaction when he's hurt is to think that he broke the window, knowing what that will get him. I had to actually look away from the screen when John was washing the wound. Somehow that seemed worse than the actual stitching, so open and raw.
It's really striking the way that John shows so much physical affection to Sam when he's hurt. Holding him while he pukes, putting Sam's legs in his lap and washing him with the cool cloth. The most striking part of all is when he's cleaning the honey off of Sam, bending down to clean his leg and cupping his chin and wiping his face and he says, "It's like you rolled in it," like he's talking to a baby. He's so casually affectionate after the near brutality that just happened before that he's downright scary. And the whole time John is tending to him, Sam's just trying to get away. He wants nothing to do with his father's affection. He doesn't soften or surrender one little bit. They're just alike.
Once again, just an incredible story. There's so much hurt between them. Sam's needs are just trampled and his emotions stripped bare to the reality that John isn't going to let him fail no matter how much he has to hurt Sam to make him strong. It's love and it's really quite horrible and beautiful at the same time.
Thanks for sharing this.