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Amothea had been bugging me for ages to read SGA, and I finally broke down (without having watched a single SGA ep) and read something called "Indelible" which was about John taking corporal punishment on Rodney's behalf on (yet another!) alien planet with strange taboos that the team unwittingly breaks. I thought it was a pretty good story, right up my alley and all and I asked amothea if there was any more like it.
She said to me, well, you don't like bdsm stories, but there is this one writer...and she told me about these two stories by Xanthe.
But, seeing as I don't like bdsm stories, I didn't read it.
The reason I don't like bdsm stories is not because I don't like bdsm (because I do) but because I think most fannish characters don't swing that way, not the full all out bdsm way. So for example, I don't think Starsky and Hutch would "play" that way, nor do it for reals and for trues. Nor do I think Kirk and Spock would do that, or Ray and Fraiser, or....really, most of them. I think the Blakes 7 characters could, and maybe Bodie and Doyle have, but for the most part, I couldn't see it happening.
Also, I have a problem with the way most bdsm stories are written in fandom (and in the real publishing world)...hard to explain. In reality, the goal of the bdsm community seems to be about a very carefully balanced trading of power. If you are a bottom and submit, you are given something in return for that submission, and on the flip side, if you are a top and someone submits to you, you have a responsibility. If you want people's respect and obedience you have to get them to trust you. It's all based on that.
But so many bdsm stories, for some reason, completely lose sight of that, and focus on the leather gear, the implements, the pain, the crawling on the floor, the boot licking.....and there’s beating after beating and being tied up, and various implements stuffed in various orifices, all one after the other, without any purpose or pushing the story forward. So I'm leery. Really, really leery of bdsm stories in fandom because most fans don't seem to have the slightest inkling of what it's all about. At least not the way I see it.
Then, eventually, I began reading SGA in earnest, and the stories seem to be more on the funny/fun/fluffy side than not. Still, I loved "A Farm in Iowa " and the one about the kites, and the one where Rodney forgets his memory and goes on to play the piano. Then there's the one where John is missing and Rodney raises his baby in John's absence and as you may or may not know, the idea of a baby in Rodney’s arms has become a turnon for me. And I don’t even like babies! There's lots of romance in this fandom, which I'm enjoying very much, much to my surprise.
But I also like the darker stuff, even though it's a little hard to find in this fandom. Which surprises me constantly, seeing that the premise for the show (being trapped in space with blood sucking alien vampires and about 92 million ways to die) seems to be pretty dark. Then I started watching eps, and I went back and re-read “Indelible,” because it made sense that John would protect Rodney like that and besides, I like beating stories.
But even though I remembered what amothea had told me about Xanthe's stories, I still couldn't see it, not for Rodney and John. But my lack of love for bdsm stories in no way means that I don't think it should be written! I think a fan has the right to write what she wants. Okay, so anyway, how I came to read these stories when the very premise flew in the face of who I believed Rodney and John to be.
Well, I had uploaded everything amothea had formatted for her ebook archive, and quickly lost track of what I'd read and not read...it was messy. So I decided to keep track and start reading stories at the end of the alphabet and work my way up the line. Naturally, the name Xanthe resides at the end of the alphabet.
I read "Back from the Well," and I'll be honest, I didn't like it. Not because it was badly written, but because I can't see threesomes (and Carson Beckett is just so non-sexual to me), and well, Rodney didn't get tortured enough before he was rescued! I know, I'm bad.
Then I read “The Chair,” which I enjoyed and I thought it was interesting (and it made sense) how John was the classic hero, and Rodney was his devoted follower, but it was more than that. I thought it reflected canon how the two of them would come together for a common cause, and that it had some Arthurian overtones to it.
Then I read, because it was next in line, “The General and Dr. Sheppard.” Two sentences in, I thought, oh no! This is the bdsm one! I'm not going to read it! But...the two sentences that I did read were well written, and nothing bdsm-ish had happened yet, and maybe it would be that Rodney and John were just going to fool around, and maybe it would be okay.
So I read the WHOLE thing in huge gulps and came away amazed and open jawed about the whole experience. Not only was it a bdsm story done the RIGHT way, Xanthe managed to circumvent the central problem for me, that the Rodney and John I saw on screen wouldn't be in to that. She made the bdsm an alternative universe that had been dragged to this universe and gave our Rodney and John a taste of what might work for their relationship, and thusly they might try it for themselves, in their way, and to the intensity that felt comfortable for them - and voila, she made me a believer.
I was up several nights in a row, reading these stories, instead of working on my own. I loved, loved, loved this story. I loved the Rodney's and the John's. I loved the way you intertwined the stories, and I loved that the Rodney's hated each other at first! I loved the contrasts between the universes, and how you stuck true to the bdsm one, made it consistent within itself.
My favorite part that I loved was how it seemed apparent that the bdsm Rodney wasn’t terrified of the bdsm John. In fact, he even says to our Rodney something like, “You think I’m scared of John? Don’t be silly, why should I be?” It really brought home the central issue for me: bdsm subs shouldn’t be afraid of their tops. Maybe for a little bit, maybe they’ll have some anxiety, but it’s all part of the balance between the two. Even when the bdsm Rodney screws up and attacks our Rodney and gets not one but two beatings, he’s still not terrified. In fact, he’s still full of his snarky comments and complaints and over-excited ramblings. He’s STILL Rodney.
So then, I thought that was it, right? Little did I know.
Next up in line was something called “Coming Home.” I thought, with a title like that, it would be something schmoopy and romantic…and boy was I wrong. Oh, yes, it was romantic, and a bit schmoopy, but to my delight and eternal pleasure, it was more of the bdsm universe. More of THAT John and THAT Rodney.
My late night reading continued…to the detriment of my own work, my own writing, housework, etc. You have spoiled me even more for the bdsm story.
I am a critical reader. Not that I’m going to tell a writer what they can and can’t write, not that I’m going to slam someone and rip them apart. But when I read, I read critically. In my mind, I’m always taking notes on how the story was crafted. I think maybe other writers do this too. Anyway, I’m constantly on the lookout for dropped balls and flubbed opportunities, and “Oh, the writer should have done this here…” I do this even as I appreciate the skill and time it took to write a story, like, “Oh, that’s clever of her!”
So I’m reading Xanthe's story. And I am waiting for dropped balls, rushed scenes, unrealistic characterizations…and waiting and waiting and waiting. Couldn’t find ‘em. Simply could not find them. Instead there were so many good things, good ideas, it made me wish I’d thought of it.
I loved Rodney. He made me laugh out loud and often At one point, they’re on some planet, and he’s fucked up and when they get back to Atlantis he’s going to be beaten. They start to camp, and he’s lost his sleeping bag…and instead of being cowed or hangdog, he’s like, “That ground is bumpy!! It’ll be cold! Why do I have to sleep on that!” Not cowed, not one little bit. He’s just himself, complaining, irascible, clever, LOUD, obnoxious….just perfectly Rodney. Rodney made me laugh a lot, out loud, both in this story and the other one, for just this reason. He never let the bastards get them down.
One of my favorite scenes was where Rodney has agreed to be with John. Only in Rodney’s mind, he thinks they’re just playing so he has his “chart.” It’s got everything on it, percentages of what he likes, stuff he’s not willing to do. Was it even color coded? In my mind it was…and naturally he thinks they’re going to talk about a safe word. I was HOWLING!!! It’s so Rodney! And John at first throws the list away (as a good top should) but then pulls it out so he can at least try to understand what’s going on in Rodney’s head. And that’s because he really cares.
Later, at some point, John is pushing Rodney to do a little more, go a little further, and he says, “If you really can’t do it, we can talk about it, but I’ll still be the one who decides.”
Oh, that’s a true top right there. This John is SO freaking hot for me, it was almost embarrassing. I don’t think I can look at him the same way anymore. : D
I also like the culture Xanthe created for this universe. If there was a bdsm culture, it might be just like this, sort of sensible about the whole thing, and knowing very well the difference between an erotic beating and a punishment one. I really liked how people were conscious of the romantic movies that had been made, and how some things had become clichés, much like in our own culture, with love letters, and feeding each other cake at weddings and all of that. I liked how Rodney would observe to himself that it was like one of those stupid movies, about how people fed the wrong person from their own plate, and how there was a mixup of collars, etc. Details like that made the culture very realistic; I believed it totally.
I loved the story of Bates going after Rodney and how Rodney wanted to solve it himself and couldn’t. And how John finally found out. I was DESPERATE for him to find out, and he did, in the most perfect way. And I liked how John was as dependant on Rodney as Rodney was on him. They needed each other and balanced each other out, and bdsm or not, that’s the way I think love should go.
This is one of those stories that has affected me hugely, for reasons I’m not even sure about right now. I just know that I’m constantly going around, rethinking it in my head, thinking about little snippets of ideas, liking the way it makes me feel and think about things. About my own life and about writing.
You can find the stories here:
http://www.xanthe.org/
or the ebooks here:
http://amalthia.mediawood.net/ebooks/
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