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Ode to Joy (And the mighty peen)

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008 05:49 pm

I recently had a conversation with my friend about men peeing. We were at Old Chicago. I'd had two beers at the time, was working on my third and saw two relatively hunky men making their way to the bathroom together. Having had as much beer as I'd had, I said aloud to my friend, "Those men are going to pee together, how do they do that?"

Raising an eyebrow, she said, "We pee together."

I said, "No, we don't. We go to the bathroom at a resturaunt or a movie theater together, but we pee separately. Men pee together."

It took a minute, but she got what I meant. Then she loftiy said, "Men have different bathroom culture than we do."

At that point, I had to agree with her. I've long gotten over the weird-seeming idea that a man pees standing up with his johnson in his hand. I have yet, however, to reconcile myself to the fact that a man will stand next to another man doing exactly the SAME thing. It seems such an intimate thing to do, to expose yourself like that, but I guess men are used to it. They've grown up that way, so to them, it's nothing.

I'm sorry. It still makes me giggle.

So. Today when I read this little tidbit, I had to laugh at this post from the guy who tries out and sometimes gets parts on cool shows like SPN, BSG, and others. Here's a link to the whole post, but below, I've quoted the part of the post that matters:

***
...At work last night, one of the porters comes back to tell me,

"Those guys from that awful show 'Supernatural' are at the bar, and one of them is actually flexing for a fan."

Oh, I had to see this. I do a very clever thing when scoping celebs at the bar, which is I pretend I'm looking for someone else so I don't look too obvious. Oh yeah, I'm smooth. Sure enough there was Sam and Dean Winchester, the guys I play almost every time I read on the North Shore. So, I see 'em, and think "cool, I've seen 'em," and go on about my business (because it is "my business") when I later get assigned to bathroom-checking duty.

So I'm wiping up the counter that seems to never be dry, when lo and behold the Winchester boys bust in, laughing and cavorting, as often brothers do. I step out to grab some c-fold paper towels, and go back in where Jensen Ackles (AKA Dean) is talking to the guy they're with. One of the off-duty kitchen guys comes in to relieve himself and acknowledges me with a "Bootstrap!"

"Bootstrap?" inquired Jensen.

"Yeah it's my nickname," said I.

"Bootstrap?" he persisted, still curious.

"Well yeah, my name's Will, so it's like 'bootstrap' Bill Turner from 'Pirates of The Caribbean."

"Oh. I just said 'nice shirt' to that guy, 'cuz it's got the big letters on it, and he just says 'bootstrap'."

"Oh, so he totally ignored you?"

"Yeah."

"Weak, man."

And then, I couldn't resist. I had my opening.

"You know, I read for your show all the time."

"Really?" he said, smiling big.

"Yeah, actually one of the girls who works here was on the episode that aired last night."

"Which one?"

"Oh, she was the girl at the doctor's office in the '70's episode."

"Oh yeah, I remember. Hey man, I'm Jensen what's your name?"

I then shook his freshly-washed (I hope) hand, and went on my my way. I could have shot him a "see you on set one day", but that would have been a bit much.

Or would it?

***

So, a lot of people seem to be asking, "what bar is that?" and "when were they there?" Me? I had the giggles REAL BAD. This should be a lesson to me never to surf while at work, but it won't take, I just know it.) So yeah. I'm sitting there thinking, these guys, they live together. They work together. They go to football games and to the bars together. They are connected at the hip and might or might not be having sex this VERY MINUTE.

There's an old idea that when men pee together, they check out the size of each other's peen. You've heard this one, right? (Please tell me that you know where this is going...) So even though they have their own trailers, and probably have their own bathrooms in Jared's house, here, in this public restroom, the boys might very well have peed right next to each other. Given, yes, the "buffer urinal rule," it's still quite possible. My big conclusion here is that there is a 99% probablity that they've ACTUALLY seen each other's peens.

I love this idea, I don't know why, but it's made me laugh all day. To the boys (or to any man) I'm sure it's not a big deal. But to me? It's hysterical. And quite, quite fun to think about because it takes fanfic to a whole new level of real. So I have to say, I don't care if they've consumated their relationship or if they will EVER do so, what matters to me is that they are both VERY happy forever for all the joy they've brought me today.

The End.

P.S. 12 Unspoken Rules For Urinal Etiquette

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