Friday, July 24th, 2009 08:32 pm
Blue Skies From Rain


Word Count: 178,000
Genre: Wincest
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Dean, various OFCs
Fic Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slash/wincest, dark, angst, amnesia, mental institution, unsubstantiated group and art therapy techniques, laundry, oatmeal, and true love with schmoop mixed in.
Summary: The morning after Sam rescues Dean from the djinn, Sam and Dean go back to the warehouse to take care of the bodies of both the victims and of the djinn. But instead of what should be a simple clean-up job, Sam and Dean are sucked into a nightmare world brought about by the djinn’s last dying act of revenge. (Takes place directly after What Is and What Should Never Be.) What do you do when you wake up in a mental institution and you think your brother is dead?

The amazing ayan-desu selected my anonymous summary because she said it sounded interesting and that she was into amnesia stories. That's how I remember it, but from that simple beginning, I began to receive a cornucopia of ideas and creativity, of art and manips, and then a VID, and it was such a rush of joy and passion and sharing, it was seriously wonderful and amazing and I am just in awe of this lady's talent. I can't even begin to tell you how much it meant to me to see how she internalized my story and then expressed it through her art; it was like seeing my own brain through her eyes. And truly, the most zen thing I think I have ever gone through. You can download the art at her live journal.


Ayan also created a front and back cover, delicious in tones of grey and black and white and charcoal that I feel completely expresses not only the fanmix, but the emotion of the story. You can download the fanmix and covers at her live journal, where she has kindly uploaded the entire thing.

If you're keen, I've created liner notes for the songs, which you can download here.


My terribly kind friend [ profile] amothea offered her services to create a collection of single files for the story:

Click here to read a single file to read online.

Click here do download a PDF version.

Click here to download the RTF version

Click here to download an LRF version.

Click here to download a MOBI version.

Click here to download an EPUB version.

Part I

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

Part II

Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9

Part III

Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16

Part IV

Chapter 17 - Chapter 18 - Chapter 19 - Chapter 20 - Chapter 21

Part V

Chapter 22 - Chapter 23 - Chapter 24 - Chapter 25

Part VI

Chapter 26 - Chapter 27 - Chapter 28 - Chapter 29

Simple Author’s Notes

The existence of this story is due to a number of things.

First, to the Big Bang Challenge, which made me want to write something long and complicated, to raise my own bar, and to work really, really hard at something for no other reason than because it was there.

Second, because I wanted to write a story that told how Sam and Dean really fell in love. If you go to my LJ you’ll see I’ve asked around, and really the only non-changing answer is that everyone has their own theory and all theories are equally valid. I wouldn’t say that this story represents my only theory, but it was the one I choose to go with.

Third, because I have an unhealthy obsession with mental institutions.

Fourth, because of a story I read that Took Over My Brain. It’s called Missing Persons and it's by Dira Sudis. It’s set in the Numb3rs fandom, and tells the story of Charlie getting kidnapped, and of Don finding him to rescue him. Only Charlie has amnesia and then sex happens, wonderful angsty and realistic sex that develops from a set of circumstances in such a steady and sustained way, that when it happens, it’s utterly absorbing and real and true. MP is one of those stories I fell in love with and wanted to marry. You know the feeling, you read it, you can’t stop thinking about it, it comes up in all those conversations in your head that you can’t possibly have with people at work, it absorbs your waking hours, and the only time you don’t think about it is when you’re looking for another story just like it. Damn that Dira. She’s ruined me forever.


This story is dedicated to [ profile] dsudis, because a fangirl likes to be ruined now and then, and to [ profile] amothea , who is so good to me I can hardly stand it, even if, while I was writing this story, she was entirely positive that I wasn’t being mean enough to Sam and Dean and despaired of me forever.

Complicated Author's Notes

Now, if you're really keen, I've attempted to post all of my notes, starting with a long, detailed and possibly boring bit about why the hell I wrote this story, followed by, believe it or not, a chronology of word counts, notes, maybe even a draft or two, if I can figure out how to post that.

I'm in the midst of uploading all my notes and word counts and this is due to a wild hair to keep record of what I was doing and why. At the moment, there are notes about the basic premise of the story; later there will be calendars with word counts and scans of post-it notes that I had on my wall.

Complicated Author's Notes

Happy reading, and thanks for coming by.
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Friday, July 31st, 2009 12:29 pm (UTC)
Chapter 2 onwards are still locked :)
Friday, July 31st, 2009 12:32 pm (UTC)
Just unlocking them now!
Friday, July 31st, 2009 12:50 pm (UTC)
HOLY SHIT THIS IS LONG! I mean I'm a sucker for long stories but UH. *gasm*

I'm now saving one of the one-files, i'll return when i finish this. i'm so intrigued by the art though.
Friday, July 31st, 2009 12:51 pm (UTC)
I hope you enjoy it! I'm just about to head off to work, which will be a wonderful distraction from obsessing whether my links work or not. : D

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Friday, July 31st, 2009 01:01 pm (UTC)
OMG! This is long!!! Will give it a shot, because it sounds really interesting and the art looks amazing :-)
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 12:50 am (UTC)
Hey, thank you! I hope you enjoy it. : D
Friday, July 31st, 2009 01:23 pm (UTC)
Holy canolies this is a long fic, and it looks very interesting! Congrats on posting!
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 12:50 am (UTC)
You are most kind, thank you.
Friday, July 31st, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)

I'm doing a happy dance because I am such a sucker for long fic. Like, for real. And this sounds sooooo interesting. I read the summary and thought to myself "I have to read this!!"

Will come back when I'm done! *settles in*
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 12:51 am (UTC)
I like long fics too and there just aren't enough of them. Tho the big bang posting has been going on while I was busy with this, so lots to look forward to!

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Friday, July 31st, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC)
omg! LONG fic \o and i love them~
and this look sooo dark that i'm definitely gonna love THIS one *dark fic lover* hope this is bottom!Dean story.

gonna start reading right now ->
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
It is dark, in a way....and I don't know if it's strictly bottomDean in the conventional sense, although, much to my surprise, Dean seemed to have those tendencies in this story.
Friday, July 31st, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)
good christ this is a long fic O_O
but WIAWSNB is one of my all time favorite episodes of the series (if you dont get a pang in your heart or even a bit teary eyed during it, you have no soul)
and the art is just..there are no words. fantastic, brilliant, amazing, etc etc
so yeah...I'll give it a go x]
it'll just have to wait til I get home later tonight xD
looks like im gunna be reading all night (and most likely into tomorrow)
can't wait to read this!!!
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)
Good christ is right! That's what I said when I was looking at the word count. But the boys wouldn't shut up and what can you do?

Yeah, WIAWSNB is the saddest of the sad - I love the theme of sacrifice for duty but to actually watch Dean make that choice and essentially commit suicide? It's almost too much!

Hope you enjoy the story. : D
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to say that this was highly recced on my flist and I wanted to congratulate you on achieving such a mammoth task. I've opened up the complete file and will read it ASAP as a reward to myself for getting nasty 'work' work done.
Sunday, August 2nd, 2009 02:56 am (UTC)
Highly recced, really? Oh, man, that's a compliment and a half, thank you!

Good luck getting real life stuff done, people are telling me that this has taken them some time to read....
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 12:41 am (UTC)
Oh dear God I LOVE you for posting multiple single-file formats. I haven't even started reading yet, but I will in a few minutes because the rec came from [ profile] roxymissrose whose recs are golden.

But the formats! Thank you!!!! I read ALL my fic on my handheld device and this is truly a great service to fandom. You rock!
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 01:40 am (UTC)
Amothea is the one to thank, she was insistent and has quite won me over to the single file philosophy. One of these days, I will buy a Sony bookreader. Until then, enjoy your story!!!

And if you're keen for more fanfic in single files made from fanfiction, then here is a site you might enjoy:

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Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 09:59 am (UTC)
Just wanted to let you know this story was rec'd at [ profile] sawedoff_recs - it was such a great read, thanks so much for writing it!
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 01:12 pm (UTC)
I am completely flattered to hear this, and what a lovely surprise to arrive in my mailbox this morning. Thank you!

Then I went to take a look, and was DOUBLY flattered to find the company I was keeping! Thank you so much! I recently heard about sawedoff, and I like the look and feel of your site, it's very easy to navigate.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 08:49 pm (UTC)
I'm saving this fic for when I have a little time to read which won't be for awhile but I just wanted to say I completely understand your passion for Missing Persons. It is quite simply, hands down, THE best in the fandom and I do feel like I'm in a bit of a love affair with that fic.


For that alone I know I'll enjoy your fic even more!
Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 12:28 am (UTC)
Oh my GOSH, thank you! MP is one of the best stories ever; I tried so hard to replicate the emotional impact, and if my story even comes close to doing that like Dira did with MP, I'll be a happy girl. I wanted to marry that story; Don and Charlie STOLE my heart, and they have it still. (Except for when Sam and Dean have it, of course!)

I hope you enjoy Sam and Dean's sufferings and schmoop!
Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 04:45 am (UTC)
This is so incredibly well done, and such an all around great story, I can't help but complement you again.

The artwork was phenomenal, it added so much to your story, even though purposely waited until I finished to go back and review the entire art file (kind of like waiting to see the movie until you've read the book).

All and all, just a great job, and one of my favorites.
Thursday, August 6th, 2009 12:29 am (UTC)
I've really enjoyed the comments that you made all the way through, it really gave me a good picture of how the story affected you at different points. I don't think I've been able to experience that before, unless someone was right in the room reading aloud and making comments as they went. Which doesn't happen often, so thank you for that!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and the artwork, the whole thing was a labor of love and it's gratifying to see people enjoying it.

Thank you again!
Friday, August 7th, 2009 11:27 am (UTC)
Not sure where the best place was to leave you feedback, but had to just post SOMETHING!

What an awesome fic. The imagery, the pacing. The poor, broken, messed up boys. I LOVE how you tied the Dean/Sam dynamic from "during" to the "end". That while now they're both whole, their interaction at the restaurant really isn't all that much different to how it was in the hospital! Dean takes care of Sam and always will. Sam looks to Dean for guidance and Dean needs that.

I adored the original characters as well. Wonderful job with that.

Can I say IMAGERY again? I saw AND felt the Treatment, the unattainable window in their room, the drone of the dryers, the cold rain, etc. as if I were there.

And Floyd! I've had Floyd floating in my head since I read the title and how that music fits this fic is amazing!

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 12:02 am (UTC)
This is a perfectly good place for feedback, and thank you! I'm really flattered that you liked it, and yeah, to me, the Sam/Dean dynamic is key, so I'm really pleased that you think I got it right! I love the OCs too, isn't that funny? They really took on a life of their own, much more than I was expecting.

Truly, thank you for your lovely comments!

Sunday, August 9th, 2009 05:55 am (UTC)
Seems like a fic this long and WORTHY should get more than a short and simple thank you. But it's completely fried my brain to do any more than that.

I don't normally read Sam/Dean slash, but this is one of those rare exceptions that I embrace. You did an amazing job!
Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 12:03 am (UTC)
It's very flattering when I read that someone read the story in spite of the fact that they don't normally read slash, truly, it means the story means more than sex, which is what I was aiming for. So thank you! Sorry the story fried your brain, but that's a compliment too!
Sunday, August 9th, 2009 06:11 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, you did it! Congratulations! Oh, man, I am a little bit scared to read this. :)
Monday, August 10th, 2009 04:31 am (UTC)
Don't YOU be afraid! I was afraid to send you the link!! I hope you like it; you and MP were the inspiration. : D

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Tuesday, August 25th, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC)
I spent several days reading your story by downloading the one-piece file onto my handheld device, and so leaving a comment of appreciation has been a matter of working back to this post.

First of all, it is one of the most engrossing longfics I've read in any fandom. The mental institution setup was fascinating, and I loved how you evoked the strange comfort of having all responsibility removed--the temptation to stay that both Sam and Dean felt. Your long, slow build to both the love between Sam and Dean and the big action (I'm avoiding comment spoilers here) was wonderful. The writing style seemed to perfectly match the drugged, and then increasingly-clear, mind state of each characer.

I was thrilled with the all of the post-institution scenes, and in particular the train. Holy crap, that was exciting!

I didn't read all your notes, but did you intend the title as a Pink Floyd reference? Because I was singing "Wish You Were Here" the whole time I was reading this story.

Anyway, I won't fangirl you to death here, but seriously, this was a marvelous, deeply-engaging read of the sort that I'm always hoping for in fandom and not finding all that often. Thank you so much! Really fine work.
Thursday, August 27th, 2009 02:46 am (UTC)
I'm glad the single file download came in handy. Those were Amalthia's idea and she did the work, bless her.

And thank you for coming back to leave a comment about the story, especially one like this! I've been going around saying "Most engrossing long fic!" in my head all day, with my head getting bigger each time, so, thank you for that. I like stories with long buildups myself, and ones with long slow payoffs, so to be compared to that kind of story is very cool.

And yeah, Pink Floyd! Wish You Were Here is my favorite, and the title of my story is a play of of the line that goes "Blue skies from pain," except that the story wasn't about that, even though, yes, there is pain. (Of course there's pain!)

You are more than welcome, and I'm glad to be able to share my love for the boys like this.
Friday, September 4th, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC)
I just fell in love with your story. I just... I can't even put it into words yet, I might have to come back with some proper adjectives. I'll totally admit to having a teary eye at parts and reading this at work, and reading when I came home at night. You rock!
Saturday, September 5th, 2009 02:04 am (UTC)
Hey, I love rocking, so thank you! I'm glad you read it at work too because that's far more fun than actual work! It was a fun trip to take with the boys, and now that they're in love, really in love, nothing can take them apart. : D
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 05:06 am (UTC)
Ooh, another Djinn big bang! My slashwife [ profile] emmademarais wrote hers out of that episode, too. I've downloaded the MOBI version to keep me awake read in bed. :)
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 12:54 pm (UTC)
AND it was inspired by Missing Persons, as you see. : D
I hope you enjoy it.
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 03:49 pm (UTC)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that this has been recced here ( at [ profile] hoodie_time. ;)

Wow, what a fantastic read!
Thursday, November 26th, 2009 07:16 pm (UTC)
Not only am I thrilled to be rec'd at hoodie_time, because it's very lovely to be rec'd and read, I'm thrilled to find there is a community for Sick!Dean!!! I love Sick!Dean, and how wonderful it is for you guys to bring all kinds of those types of stories together in one location. : D
Monday, December 21st, 2009 02:17 am (UTC)
awesome, story, completely believable and beautifully sad and yet happy at the same time because at the end they still have each other.
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009 02:54 am (UTC)
Oh, that is so nice to hear! I really wanted to write a story with a happy ending, but of course, it wouldn't be worth it if they didn't go through HELL first. : D

I'm so glad you liked it; thank you for your lovely post.
Sunday, January 24th, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
Just finished this ( took 3 or 4 days, lol), and I'm so glad I took the time! This was a really enjoyable read, and I will probably be coming back to read it again some time. Or downloading a copy to keep. :)
Friday, January 29th, 2010 01:43 am (UTC)
Three or four days! I admire your tenacity to be willing to sit still that long. : D

I really appreciate you coming by to tell me that you enjoyed it. Some times, I wonder when I found the time to write it, and I don't remember the effort, but I remember my pleasure at finishing. I's nice to share that pleasure with people, so thank you.
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 12:26 am (UTC)
OMG! This was such a great fic! I NEVER leave comments for fic authors, but I just had to tell you how much I truly enjoyed this one. Very well done! It's currently at the top my 'favorite fics' list.
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 01:44 pm (UTC)
Hey, thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm also really flattered that I'm on your favorite fics list, let alone at the top. : D
Monday, February 22nd, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
Just finished reading this story and I gotta It was an amazing fic. Heart-wrenchingly beautiful and sad. You write so well. It pulled on the heartstrings unlike any other fic I have ever read. It truly was beautifully done. Thank you for posting this fic.
Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010 01:18 am (UTC)
Hey, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and you are so kind to write and tell me so. Here's to Sam and Dean living happily ever after!
Monday, March 29th, 2010 12:58 am (UTC)
Just read this, and it is very good. It kind of reminds me of leondidasleon'
s fics, which are long, angsty, and focuses on the boatloads of issues that the guys have. I also have to aplaud you for writing something so long, but still keeps the readers attention.
Monday, March 29th, 2010 12:23 pm (UTC)
Reminds you of leonidaslion? Oh my my my, that's a huge compliment! Thank you for that, she's one of my favorite writers and I love how complex and intertwined her stories are. And it is a long story,
I'm glad you liked it. : D
Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 05:40 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed reading this. My favorite aspect of the show is the over-the-top brotherly love and you didn't skimp on this at all! Another one of my buttons is protectiveDean and you gave that to me in spades.

Thanks for a detailed and engrossing story.
Wednesday, March 31st, 2010 11:58 am (UTC)
Definitely, the brother's love is over the top and we like it like that! I had such a good time letting them be affection, though I did have to wrack my brain as to what setting and circumstance would allow that, and, ta da! Amnesia!

You are more than welcome, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. : D
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