Can You Say Wow? I Knew That You Could

[lovesrain44]

This recently got posted at Fandom Secrets, which I check every day because it's so dang fun:



And I can say that I don't know when I have been as flattered as this.

Except for my friend amothea bugging me week in and week out, the stories never got a lot of feedback, so I really thought that the two of us were the only ones who liked them. That they were personal guilty pleasures only, and not....well, just not what people wanted. To find that there was at least one other person out there who also liked them, well.

I assure Anon, not at all pathetic, that I do have more stories in my head for this.

One thing I had to be sure of was to not back out of the contract I had set with myself, that John stayed John, and kept being the tough drill sergeant for the summer from hell. And that Dean and Sam remained true to the themselves in this era, somewhat at odds, not quite getting along. It's turned out to be harder than I had thought, to keep it edgy and mean. But I want to write them, I do. Writing Blue Skies took it out of me a bit, but the stories are most assuredly there. In my head.

Thank you again for the tremendous complement in being sad that there have been no updates in over a year. Over a year? I am sad too, now!

Edit: The stories did get a lot of feedback, and a lot of readers liked the darkness and the grit. I guess I always felt that since this verse was so personal to me that....oh, never mind. I'm not even sure what I'm saying now.  Foolish writer is foolish and should just write what feels good.

 

Comments

Re: Thread E

[lovesrain44.livejournal.com]

It's so amazing to me that it does that to you, that it's sticking with you because it's not just flat out abuse, nor is it a story where you can out and out vilify John, because there is good intent there, and there is love, no matter how far down it's buried. That gives me a swelled head it does, so thank you for that! That it haunts you, yet, my my. : D

The one thing about families that I've always found interesting, is the way they can fight and still be a family. There are some families who don't fight (and I mean the screaming kind of fights, like the Winchesters have, not the mild mid-western type of "disagreement"), but they don't seem to love very hard either. Are there families who never fight, but who do care passionately about each other? I don't know.

I just know that as much as Sam and John shout at each other and push and point and stuff, there was still that one scene, where Dean went off to buy a fake colt, and when he came back Sam and John were waiting by John's truck. How long had they spent together? An hour or so? Maybe they didn't talk, but Sam was able to sit in the truck next to his dad (in the Sam Seat, as a friend of mine called it) and they got along. Sam didn't even seem perturbed to be left on his own with John. And there's that tension between those two aspects of their relationships and how they can exist side by side.

So you know the scenes in the stories where Sam's had a bad day, and all of a sudden things come to a halt and Dad feeds Sam in some way? Either a peach or special eggs, or whatever? I'm obsessed with the idea that outside of the angry words and the beatings, Sam still counts on John to be his Dad, and John knows that, knows that better than anything, and the father/son relationship exists in that space, for that moment, and it's enough to carry them along.

PS. And the people who *do* sympathize with John, who see that part peaking through? I'll wager that they themselves are parents of somewhat difficult/challenging children. : D

Re: Thread E

[charmedstrange1.livejournal.com]

Ahaa!! Maaaaybe this is why this dynamic gets to me so much. Because this idea-- Are there families who never fight, but who do care passionately about each other? I don't know. -- is kind of foreign to me. *My* family is very much like this- I have a lot of siblings, and we very rarely argue much less fight, and *never* with the screaming and certainly not punch-throwing. BUT we also grew up pretty poor and pretty smart in a rural Southern culture, which lemme tell ya isn't easy, so we're all *fiercely* loyal to each other and would walk through fire for each other. That's not hyperbole. If one of my sisters called me up in the middle of the night to ask me to help them hide a body, I'd do it. Okay, that's maybe a little hyperbole. But not by much. I'd have to ask a few questions first.

So, maybe the fact that all the trauma in this story seems too much for *me* to believe that it could allow any sort of halfway loving future relationship is from my own skewed perspective. But then, I believe everybody's perspective is skewed, it's just a question of direction.

And this--

Sam still counts on John to be his Dad, and John knows that, knows that better than anything, and the father/son relationship exists in that space, for that moment, and it's enough to carry them along.

-- this whole idea breaks my heart. Because it's so very *little* for Sam (for them both) to cling to.

As for those John-sympathizers being parents of challenging kids? Yep, I'd put money on that too. ;)

Re: Thread E

[lovesrain44.livejournal.com]

My family taught me about the "hiding the bodies" thing, too, so I understand and appreciate that kind of loyalty. But I think there was a bit more yelling than what you experienced. Alcoholic yelling! Over who brought in the last bag of groceries yet. No lie. My dad had a way of just, you know, yelling and carrying on and such, and then the next day, you needed a ride home from school, and okay, no problem. I mean, I didn't forget the yelling, but when he wasn't, it was all so normal, and so easy to be there, I just went with it.

Sam loves his Dad, there's no denying that. And I enjoy giving him bits of what will help him - and then taking them away, bwaa haa haa!

Re: Thread E

[charmedstrange1.livejournal.com]

Yeah, now, when we were all kids, sure, I remember some yelling (mostly between the kids, rarely from a parent) but it was of the "Get your tail down from there before you fall and break your neck!!" kind of yelling, or "Mama she's touching me!"-- that kind of thing that I think of as 'normal'. But I'd say by the time we were young teens-- what I consider 'old enough to know better'-- there wasn't any more of that. We were still passionate and boisterous and at times silly, but no angry yelling by then.

So yes, I think at least *some* yelling is routine-- we are none of us Stepford families after all. I think the differences may be in the amount and emotion behind it. I can see that being a very healthy thing to learn, really, how to move on from arguing like that. I didn't have much practice with that and I can admit, I have a hard time not holding a grudge if somebody hurts me. Like, for a looooong time. So, like you said with the Winchesters, who knows what lurks in the hearts, right? ;)

Sam loves his Dad, there's no denying that. And I enjoy giving him bits of what will help him - and then taking them away, bwaa haa haa!

I know ya do. :P