Why Did Dean Break After 30 Years and Not Before?

[lovesrain44]

This is in reference to the 4.10 ep, Heaven and Hell, where Dean gives up the goods at the end and tells Sam the reasons why he doesn’t want to talk about hell. We find out the awful truth: that in order to stop the pain, Dean got up off the rack and became a torturer himself.

 

I realized I want to know WTF happened after 30 years that made Dean suddenly change his mind. I mean you don't go through 30 years of torture and then wake up one day and say screw this, do you? (I’m pretty sure Sam feels the same, but he’s being a Good Brother and giving Dean his space. For now, anyway.)

 

Maybe, after 30 years, maybe he hit his breaking point, maybe he got tired of Alistar coming by EVERY single day and just hit his limit.

 

When Dean said, at the end of Wishful Thinking, “…the things I did, the things I saw…” I instantly thought/figured/hoped that there was non-con between Dean and Alistar, because I’m whacked that way, and I kind of thought THAT would be the reason Dean broke. Not that he suddenly gave up one day. Or maybe Hell used Sam in some way, something that Dean thought was Sam.

 

What's most interesting to me is the fact that fanfic never considered that Dean could be broken, that he would make the choice he did as presented in canon. At least not the fanfic I’ve read. (I would be willing to be shown the error of my ways, however.)

I'd love to know what other people think!

Comments

[lovesrain44.livejournal.com]

I tried to warn for spoilers on the dean_sam list just in case, and I reckon you're right I do have non USA pals. I'll fix that.

I don't think it was exactly 30 years either, but the thing I thought of this evening is that even though we know that he was rescued about 3/4 of the way through, he didn't know that. He probably thought it was forever.

I guess I'm thinking that if each day was the same, getting sliced and diced and then Alistair came in, what happened on THAT day when he said, okay, I'll do it. Something must have been a little bit different.

But, I REALLY like your idea, of him trying to back out of being the torturer!

[lori-leaf.livejournal.com]

I imagine you simply reach a point where you say "please, please I can't anymore." and you give in. It's not nessisarily a special day. You just get tired. It's eternity and it's never going to end and you just need it to stop... just for a moment. Please, let it stop. So you say "yes" even if you don't really mean it... but it's too late, you can't go back now. Now you're tainted. Now you deserve Hell. Now you're a monster. You're weak. You try to say "nevermind! I changed my mind!" but it's too late. It's eternity and it's never going to end and there's no do-overs. There's just this and nothing else. Forever.

[lovesrain44.livejournal.com]

Now here's an answer I can sink my teeth into! Something to take to bed with me as well. Thank you!

[lori-leaf.livejournal.com]

Don't mind me. I read too many non-linear German plays about suffering and it inspires me to make emo posts. *g*

[lovesrain44.livejournal.com]

And to write emo stories as well, I think. : D